The day after 27, I wake up around 8:20-ish from sleep paralysis (www.webMD.com for clarification on sleep paralysis)
“I have one theory that those of us who suffer or who have suffered from this inadvertently are phase shifting somehow and allowing ourselves to slip into another dimension where we are visible and open to attacks.”
Research on the issue gravitate me to this quote. I’ve experienced this two other times, but this time the feeling is a malevolent presence, more prevalent, more terrifying; I read the Holy Spirit should be called on for guidance and discernment in an occurrence such as this. However, I still don’t fully know what it is and calling and thinking about him is always the answer. It doesn’t take being 27 to know this.
As at every age past 18, the moves I make have to be strategic, have to make sense, have to be a step in the right direction; they must not take me backwards; to the side maybe and diagonal fine, but not backwards. But, what is backwards? What is to the side? Maybe these terms should not exist.
Still praying and trying to hone in my ever wandering mind. Thirsting for true answers, true meaning, my purpose; the person I am intended to be – exactly as intended to be. At 27, I’m having a hard time making permanent decisions. I’m in mid-life crisis mode, yet, I’m not having a mid-life crisis, because this isn’t that age to have one, is it?
Society at 27 wants you to believe you are failing right now if you haven’t reached your pinnacle; that you are not where you should be. Some people are mind you. Unfortunately, I am certainly not. 27 makes you think about life’s beam you are still balancing on; ever so steady, in a panic; possibly ever so tiresomely, in a constant cloud of brainstorming.
Fair enough, this is the part where your brain says, “Hey, you still have time…” Yes the word time; and as time slips, I can’t help but to think at my age, at this time, in this room where does the time go? No really, where does it go. No way to get it back, but instead I must overuse every minute of time I seemingly do have; will have; should have? I’m 27 now, it is time I used my time more wisely. Is what I say to myself in disgust and anger; as if to say, “You should have been using it wisely already fool. It is too late now.” Evolving my cognitive thinking and positive thoughts will get me to my beautiful 30’s.
These next three years need to be full of careful planning, meeting strategic goals, and damn good execution. My eyes are more open now at 27 than ever, because I’ve never been here before. Each year that goes by means more to me. Forever weary of wasting time on things that I am not passionate about; wanting to be internally happy eternally. Not just with one aspect of my life, but with all aspects of my life. Why can’t that be possible? What about overall happiness makes it eligible for such impossible achievement? I’m sure these are one of those years you thrust yourself into soul-searching if haven’t already… Let it continue… Let it begin.