It's Sort of Magic Really

Job 5:19

What is my strength so that I should wait?

And what is my end, that I should be patient?

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After taking a swig of water from my glass bottle I place it gently back on the table I’m working on, and sink a little further into my chair. As I sit here listening to a music artist named Common through my sleek ear buds that I have to constantly readjust in my ear, I can’t help but stare at the hobo across the street. Oh great, herein lies the beginning of this afternoon’s many distractions. It’s so hot and steamy out right now that the droplets of sweat creeping down my back are truly just getting started I’m sure. This is all worth it though. Getting fresh air outside of my favorite coffee shop is a viable alternative compared to eating fruit snacks and sitting in the bed trying to do work while dozing off every 15 minutes. I realize how comfortable I feel in this environment. The occasional cool breeze feels good on my skin, this oak tree above me is the biggest natural umbrella I have ever seen, and I could not be more content than I am right now because I am home. I am in a space I am used to that speaks to me. A space that makes me feel more of who I am which breeds implicit greatness. I think anyway.

I stare at the grass to the left of me and then back at the glass bottle on the table.

After staring I somehow muster up the strength to criticize my own work again: the stuff I write is boring. It’s the same stuff said in different ways. I am so sick of realizing that and coming to that inevitable conclusion. What is it going to take? A new wine? A nasty fight? A car accident? Great food? A good movie? Starting a family! What!?

The saxophones in this song are so soothing. It is literally massaging my brain. I stare again at the glass bottle.

To spice things up I want to take something simple like a regular day, a regular hour, a regular moment, or a regular thought and expand on it. Elaborate it a little but keep the essence of it there and capture the feeling of it so that there is a universal connection. Oh that’s been done before? Typical? No shit Sherlock? Fine, I don’t really have an angle or a gimmick or something unique to tell these days really. This cookie cutter thing is just not working for me and by “cookie cutter thing” I mean the way I am supposed to tell a story – how if I tell it the way I am “supposed” to tell it, it will make sense to you. The truth is nothing makes sense. LIFE DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. The moment it all finally comes full circle or tenfold you’re dead, let’s just be honest. So why, why I am forced to tell stories that should make sense? That couldn’t be further from the truth. It should be unethical really, and we’ve been told all of our lives that there is a linear way to say things, a certain way everything should eventually come across. Anne Lamott wrote, “Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.” Thank you Anne – sheesh!

I readjust my headphones again and stare at the glass bottle on the table.

I read that identifying with others helps you better identify with yourself. I agree with that truly and I can comfortably make this statement because the more I read and listen to the voice of a lot of these authors that started out similarly, they either push me closer to who I am, validate who I am, or validate who or what I’m not and this is nothing short of genius.

“Writing is about hypnotizing yourself into believing in yourself, getting some work done, then unhypnotizing yourself and going over the material coldly.” – Anne Lamott

What’s a good spot for you these days that puts you in your element, makes you comfortable as if you could stay there all day, and lets you really get a chance to think about your life, work, and dreams? What about a place that will help make you produce your best work? A good way to figure things out for yourself, whether it is to try to push out something great within you, to make things make sense, to second guess things, or whether it is trying to identify with others, is to ask questions – sort of like Job did. Go to whatever place that is home for you, relax, and ask what your heart desires, reflect, see what speaks to you, and go forward from there. Maybe drink some water from a glass bottle while you’re at it – a glass bottle you can stare at helps.

Cultivate Your Passion

My ultimate goal is to write, direct, and produce independent film. With that I say:

This line of work, or any unconventional line of work, requires encouragement, intense encouragement, heart-felt and meaningful, as if someone does actually believe in you, self-motivation, and did I mention encouragement? Conviction will be felt in this line of work and you will feel condemned by this line of work, as if to say, “Nothing else in life will be to my satisfaction if I don’t do this. I won’t be happy.”

In this line of work, the DNA to a great  story/film consists of your ability to effectively write; can I clearly and effectively tell a story? Or am I just really good at rambling meaninglessly? Writing comes to me in bits and pieces. I jot one thought down, think for a bit, pick up something inspiring, and jump to the next thought; praying that it will all make sense in the end; that it will be powerful in all literary aspects and thought provoking.

A clear voice of your own is the key to writing or becoming the essence that you are. An authentic voice, distinctive, bold; simply, your voice must speak to others; I try to be crisp and comprehensible; telling my story with intent. I want you to know exactly how I got to this place, and how you can get here too if desirable. Through writing, I want to leave a path behind me so enormous that this will be the next wave of greatness; the next revolution; the next mark of progression; a unique story like none of the rest that can still inspire and invoke prominence.

I can hear my inner critic heckling now, “Slow down, you’re almost 30. Be content with mediocrity." No. No. No, I just can’t. I have to try. Luckily, in this line of work there is no step by step process I must go by, it is merely sticking to what I do best- checking for inspiration, checking for inspiration, observing, and seeking the type of imagination that is soul perpetuating as I choose my words, verbs, and actions wisely or with hope they choose me. Don’t be boring they say. What is there left to innovate? What is there left to speak? INDEPENDENCE; building up thinkers, creating a belief in a cultural renaissance strong enough to actually make it happen; all through the vessel of words and imagery.

As the brief but hopefully stimulating above paragraphs resonate, I want to leave on this note, a tribute to Austin. It is probably why I am so compelled to pursue these cravings. There is creative energy in the city of Austin that can be mistaken for laziness. I have come to that conclusion today. Having lived in two separate cities and seeing the level of work ethic between the two, today I deciphered this: People in Austin seem lazy but really are creative, really are thinkers; exerting the least amount of energy and experiencing the most amount of life. Austinites take their time. Austinites do it the way they want to do it; when, where, and how they want to do it, therefore deep rooting the uniqueness. It will stay forever different and “weird” because of that. True free spirits.