Cyclical Hunches

What are your beginning, middle, and end? This is how you unfortunately structure each blog and blah, blah, bl - oh hey guys. You snuck up on me! I was hoping you were some big corporation coming to swoop in on my blog and pay me millions to continue writing as these priceless memoirs can’t write themselves, but I guess not. Do you guys even remember me? Probably not, nonetheless, excuse the first sentence as I am trying to recall basic first steps to writing – you know, in order to keep my readers interested (ha!)

“Spill out everything onto the page,” they say. “Go for the jugular,” they say. Well, I’ve been missing in action for a while so here I go:

Today is a crappy day and I have a hard time focusing. I mean hard. I normally, no matter what, can just snap back into focus (especially if I am at work because I’m stone cold like that), but nope not today. A young lady named Sandra Bland is the topic or hash tag if you will. There is information about her coming in all at once. She was 28 from Chicago trying to move to Texas for a job. She’s dead now. Hearing this news led me to write. A lot of emotions are surging through me at rapid speeds after realizing she is dead and herein lies the thick of my anguish: I couldn’t catch her. Me - I couldn’t stop whatever happened to her. I would have had something amazing to say to stop the fate of a stranger, but I wasn’t there.

This was a journal entry from a while back that still rings poignant to me because it reminds me of why I fight for life and freedom so much. Machiavelli said it best when he wrote,“What am I here to reproduce at this time? I am only a figment of what has been to bring to the world something it has already seen just not in this particular timeline. What O’Lord am I to recreate that you so desperately need the world to see again? To remind us of what again? Please whisper loud enough for me to hear.” 

I’m unsure of the remarkable words that would have surfaced that day but trust me incredible was coming out. A trail of genius tends to slip out of my mind sometimes and what I want to say is too much to write down. Again, it probably would have been the most amazing crap I’ve ever thought but just too much to remember. A snapshot would be, “Look, like we’re all fucked anyway,” or something along those lines. “Capitalism is rotting this country. Black people don’t belong here, but we’ve been trying to belong for quite some time now. We’re all going to die,” yada, yada, yada – stuff like that. Maybe, “Read and utilize the past in order to shape, and understand the present.” Okay that isn’t me it’s Machiavelli, but seriously the advice would have been A1.

I hope to overly stress that in order to identify with yourself more you must identify with others. Try to stay alive, healthy, and sane in the process of identification, and in every situation give thanks. In every situation remember the situation before. Remember at one point you never really knew how the situation could or would change or when. Remember that it eventually did. Something happened one day, things shifted, and you slowly progressed into another part of your life.

Today I chose to identify with Sandra and let it be known that we’ve been stripped of our core ingredients (love, compassion, empathy, patience, forgiveness) for the all mighty dollar. I have to keep saying that until people start or realizing it. Being gone for so long has taught me how to stop correcting my intuition – not even slightly.

Not Your Typical Growth

“When eloquence meets brevity therein lies the keys to success” – Tyra Clark

I am learning how to speak two languages: complex and simple. Knowing the difference between the two is important in order to reach all types of readers/viewers, and being short and to the point yet expressive is hard, but as a writer, as a woman, and as a creator it is downright one of the greatest skills one can ever master.

It requires a different sort of discipline, a contradictive intelligence; a constant plunge into chaos with a profound clarification. The audience prefers that one beautifully [gets to the point].

Knowing that, I demand this: today is about recognizing good growth, true growth, any growth; even the smallest little inkling of it. In retrospect, the classes as a sociology major that stick with me are those that dealt with theory; the elite vs. the working class (the proletariat, Marx), and philosophy (philosophy of science), claiming that nothing is really absolute just common knowledge, and only common pending the natural course of constant verification of any falsifications of said absolute; if research proves the once common knowledge false, results could cause a paradigm shift, where the once perceived absolute is no longer relative, and now there is a new common knowledge; a new “norm”; a new reality.

Did I lose you? Nine years ago I would have lost me too but keep reading.

Contrary to what I usually spend my time doing, I have been listening to audio books lately. Why not listen to a book when you drive, work out, or in your place of peace right? For some of you this is your norm, for some of you I can ask this question and after me saying, “Right?” You can quietly throw around the thought, “Hmmm, I guess I could, that is different.”

Why not fall asleep to positive affirmations? Why not try something different to see if it works? Where is your balance? Where in the script do you get to be selfish and take the time to develop yourself? I ask myself this often, as should you. Be clever; change what you do in the environments that you are in the most and see where that takes you. Maybe not so simple to say now because of the conscious state that you are in at the moment, but with patience ultimately as my syllogism, that is the simple suggestion.

Wisely so, I am enthusiastically taking heed. While listening to the certain books I am choosing, I pay attention to what is and what is not sticking to my conscious mind (which is probably the most important thing ever given to you, that, and free will – Neville, the Power of Awareness). I am noticing a pattern in my conscious growth. I am absorbing what I am listening to at ferocious speeds, which lets me know I am still perceptible to this type of knowledge; I needed this. I believe we involuntarily absorb information we subconsciously thirst for in order to consciously sustain. In an essence, knowledge can definitely be compared to food/nourishment.

Interesting, as I write I notice a pattern. The phrase I am occurs frequently. The great I AM. Intriguing concept (see www.audible.com search Three Magic Words by U. S Anderson).

Considerably so, after deep reflection it finally dawns on me that my thoughts are outgrowing “normality” or the current common knowledge. These thoughts feel bigger than my existence. It is vital that I recognize this. Kind of like that feeling you get when you have outgrown a feeling, a person, a situation, a city. It is somewhat scary, however, what usually happens next is growth, be it that you get over that feeling eventually, you move on from that person, you finally do what it takes to change your situation, or you move to another city that better suits the entirety of you.   

Derailing your mind, if off its natural healthy path, is, therapeutic; a conscious effort to achieve your truth, however unorthodox, is critical. I question how I handle things, the way I think, how I operate, the level of motivation and drive I encompass, and the level of my faith in the name of growth.

Through my endeavors I am challenging a typical day, a typical thought, a typical life; I am starting to understand what most people do not. It is but a matter of time before my own paradigm shift.