Enough

You don’t show it. You don’t do it. You don’t see them. You don’t see him. You don’t see her. You don’t say it. You don’t call. You don’t speak up. You don’t preach it. You don’t teach it. You don’t play it. You don’t ask it. You don’t read it. You don’t practice it. You don’t watch it. You don’t wear it. You don’t have it. You don’t make it. You don’t use it. You don’t write it. You aren’t doing.

Where's the list of what I’ve done. What I do. Where’s that list? Where’s the list of how I’ve been and what I’ve said. When I’ve showed it and when I saw? When I spoke up and when I preached? When I taught and when I read? When I practiced and when I played? When I watched and when I made? When I helped and when I shared? When I wore it and when I had it? When I used it and when I called? When I wrote? What I did do?

No one lives for the positive moments. No one even lives for the moment. We are too busy worrying about the lack there of; the times when something didn't happen instead of the times something did. Instead of holding onto that moment and letting that be the classic standard and overriding thought, instead of realizing that that good moment did happen, we revel in disparaging thoughts of things we feel are not enough. As supreme beings, we think very limited and we shouldn't - we are SUPREME. Unfortunately, we are supreme beings with no idea how to unlock the true, raw, and real potential in ourselves. We conceptualize the negative. We conceptualize the very opposite of what we are supposed to live for: greatness. When you start to openly magnify small instances of love and appreciation as they come forth spontaneously I believe that is when you truly do understand more than just the basics; when you truly do understand that it is enough.

"His insight refines him." - Ralph Waldo Emerson. 

 

It's Sort of Magic Really

Job 5:19

What is my strength so that I should wait?

And what is my end, that I should be patient?

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After taking a swig of water from my glass bottle I place it gently back on the table I’m working on, and sink a little further into my chair. As I sit here listening to a music artist named Common through my sleek ear buds that I have to constantly readjust in my ear, I can’t help but stare at the hobo across the street. Oh great, herein lies the beginning of this afternoon’s many distractions. It’s so hot and steamy out right now that the droplets of sweat creeping down my back are truly just getting started I’m sure. This is all worth it though. Getting fresh air outside of my favorite coffee shop is a viable alternative compared to eating fruit snacks and sitting in the bed trying to do work while dozing off every 15 minutes. I realize how comfortable I feel in this environment. The occasional cool breeze feels good on my skin, this oak tree above me is the biggest natural umbrella I have ever seen, and I could not be more content than I am right now because I am home. I am in a space I am used to that speaks to me. A space that makes me feel more of who I am which breeds implicit greatness. I think anyway.

I stare at the grass to the left of me and then back at the glass bottle on the table.

After staring I somehow muster up the strength to criticize my own work again: the stuff I write is boring. It’s the same stuff said in different ways. I am so sick of realizing that and coming to that inevitable conclusion. What is it going to take? A new wine? A nasty fight? A car accident? Great food? A good movie? Starting a family! What!?

The saxophones in this song are so soothing. It is literally massaging my brain. I stare again at the glass bottle.

To spice things up I want to take something simple like a regular day, a regular hour, a regular moment, or a regular thought and expand on it. Elaborate it a little but keep the essence of it there and capture the feeling of it so that there is a universal connection. Oh that’s been done before? Typical? No shit Sherlock? Fine, I don’t really have an angle or a gimmick or something unique to tell these days really. This cookie cutter thing is just not working for me and by “cookie cutter thing” I mean the way I am supposed to tell a story – how if I tell it the way I am “supposed” to tell it, it will make sense to you. The truth is nothing makes sense. LIFE DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. The moment it all finally comes full circle or tenfold you’re dead, let’s just be honest. So why, why I am forced to tell stories that should make sense? That couldn’t be further from the truth. It should be unethical really, and we’ve been told all of our lives that there is a linear way to say things, a certain way everything should eventually come across. Anne Lamott wrote, “Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.” Thank you Anne – sheesh!

I readjust my headphones again and stare at the glass bottle on the table.

I read that identifying with others helps you better identify with yourself. I agree with that truly and I can comfortably make this statement because the more I read and listen to the voice of a lot of these authors that started out similarly, they either push me closer to who I am, validate who I am, or validate who or what I’m not and this is nothing short of genius.

“Writing is about hypnotizing yourself into believing in yourself, getting some work done, then unhypnotizing yourself and going over the material coldly.” – Anne Lamott

What’s a good spot for you these days that puts you in your element, makes you comfortable as if you could stay there all day, and lets you really get a chance to think about your life, work, and dreams? What about a place that will help make you produce your best work? A good way to figure things out for yourself, whether it is to try to push out something great within you, to make things make sense, to second guess things, or whether it is trying to identify with others, is to ask questions – sort of like Job did. Go to whatever place that is home for you, relax, and ask what your heart desires, reflect, see what speaks to you, and go forward from there. Maybe drink some water from a glass bottle while you’re at it – a glass bottle you can stare at helps.

Not Your Typical Growth

“When eloquence meets brevity therein lies the keys to success” – Tyra Clark

I am learning how to speak two languages: complex and simple. Knowing the difference between the two is important in order to reach all types of readers/viewers, and being short and to the point yet expressive is hard, but as a writer, as a woman, and as a creator it is downright one of the greatest skills one can ever master.

It requires a different sort of discipline, a contradictive intelligence; a constant plunge into chaos with a profound clarification. The audience prefers that one beautifully [gets to the point].

Knowing that, I demand this: today is about recognizing good growth, true growth, any growth; even the smallest little inkling of it. In retrospect, the classes as a sociology major that stick with me are those that dealt with theory; the elite vs. the working class (the proletariat, Marx), and philosophy (philosophy of science), claiming that nothing is really absolute just common knowledge, and only common pending the natural course of constant verification of any falsifications of said absolute; if research proves the once common knowledge false, results could cause a paradigm shift, where the once perceived absolute is no longer relative, and now there is a new common knowledge; a new “norm”; a new reality.

Did I lose you? Nine years ago I would have lost me too but keep reading.

Contrary to what I usually spend my time doing, I have been listening to audio books lately. Why not listen to a book when you drive, work out, or in your place of peace right? For some of you this is your norm, for some of you I can ask this question and after me saying, “Right?” You can quietly throw around the thought, “Hmmm, I guess I could, that is different.”

Why not fall asleep to positive affirmations? Why not try something different to see if it works? Where is your balance? Where in the script do you get to be selfish and take the time to develop yourself? I ask myself this often, as should you. Be clever; change what you do in the environments that you are in the most and see where that takes you. Maybe not so simple to say now because of the conscious state that you are in at the moment, but with patience ultimately as my syllogism, that is the simple suggestion.

Wisely so, I am enthusiastically taking heed. While listening to the certain books I am choosing, I pay attention to what is and what is not sticking to my conscious mind (which is probably the most important thing ever given to you, that, and free will – Neville, the Power of Awareness). I am noticing a pattern in my conscious growth. I am absorbing what I am listening to at ferocious speeds, which lets me know I am still perceptible to this type of knowledge; I needed this. I believe we involuntarily absorb information we subconsciously thirst for in order to consciously sustain. In an essence, knowledge can definitely be compared to food/nourishment.

Interesting, as I write I notice a pattern. The phrase I am occurs frequently. The great I AM. Intriguing concept (see www.audible.com search Three Magic Words by U. S Anderson).

Considerably so, after deep reflection it finally dawns on me that my thoughts are outgrowing “normality” or the current common knowledge. These thoughts feel bigger than my existence. It is vital that I recognize this. Kind of like that feeling you get when you have outgrown a feeling, a person, a situation, a city. It is somewhat scary, however, what usually happens next is growth, be it that you get over that feeling eventually, you move on from that person, you finally do what it takes to change your situation, or you move to another city that better suits the entirety of you.   

Derailing your mind, if off its natural healthy path, is, therapeutic; a conscious effort to achieve your truth, however unorthodox, is critical. I question how I handle things, the way I think, how I operate, the level of motivation and drive I encompass, and the level of my faith in the name of growth.

Through my endeavors I am challenging a typical day, a typical thought, a typical life; I am starting to understand what most people do not. It is but a matter of time before my own paradigm shift.