Sticky Notes

Just after getting home from work I think:

I just wrote another to-do list today. This one is 10 items long instead of 20. I’m going to count this as a win, and I take progress anywhere I can get it. Am I going to complete any items on the list? Hmmm, I don’t know, but that makes me want to start another list entitled, “Okay this really needs to get done, like, forreal.” My other to-do lists? Oh they’re around here somewhere. One is stuck to my butt right now because I just sat on it, one is in my car, some are at my job, and others are in my Wunderlist (great app) on my phone. Wait a minute, ah! Yes, I have some in my Evernote (also an app) as well. I’m drowning in to-do lists. This is insane and it doesn’t stop. I have a to-do list for my to-do list. I have one I wrote yesterday, folded up, and shoved in my purse thinking that if I shove it in my purse I’ll do it; I mean it’s in my purse. And the many calendars I have!? Oh the calleennddarss. There are the digital calendars and paper calendars because you need both. I use these lists and calendars to map out the hours I spend thinking about writing but not actually writing. Yes, this is fantastic. Don’t actually write but imagine writing, map out writing, write down that I need to write about writing – genius. Can’t tell you how far that has gotten me. After I spend most of the week giving myself a hard time, I sort of sway back and forth between wisdom and curiosity to cope. For example, there is a reason why certain things are repeated, like you know, “never give up” or “read” or “push through don’t let fear stop you.” Crazy cliché and it’s because when you do these things and it completely changes your life for the better, or you experience the type of growth that you never thought you could, you’ll want to preach it too. You have now reaped the rewards of the inevitable and the clever cycle repeats itself.

While standing there brushing my teeth I think:

You know maybe it does take me forever to get ready. I am slow and it’s time to embrace the slug in me. There are reasons, however. Probably reasons I should improve, but reasons nonetheless. I do all this stuff in the midst of getting ready before I go anywhere. So it’s not just getting ready aesthetically speaking. I get ready mentally speaking too. Like today I just did two audio notes (it’s where you pause, whip out your voice recorder on your phone and talk to yourself, or rather into the microphone with something you think is profound, but eh it’s pretty 1+1=2 you know, real basic, real stupid shit), then I wipe my face down with an alcohol pad, and I think of something else to say, something else to write, I don’t know I just think of something else. Everything on any to-do list randomly pops into my brain when I need to get ready. This is the kind of stuff (getting ready too slow) that will guarantee someone for a life of pills, wine, and forever making excuses as to why they’re either always late or never getting anything worthwhile done – oops I forgot straight-jackets (if you would kindly insert straight-jackets after "wine, and..." in your head please, thanks, I'm too lazy to write it for you and would rather type it out.)

While reading The Alchemist (by Paulo Coelho) I think:

Wow this shepherd boy (Santiago) is smart and witty! I love this guy! Sounds like a character I can create. Understanding how he looks at the world, how he observes the people around him, his sheep, his family, and the omens he is told about is fascinating and he gives us an interesting holistic view. The boy travels because that’s what he believes is his Personal Legend and he starts noticing and perceiving  things in a different light once his environment changes. He detects a certain bird that flies around when a snake is near. He becomes aware of certain stars, certain changes in the pattern of the wind when he needs direction, etc. Things he wouldn’t have seen otherwise if he didn’t start paying attention. The book talks about figuring out what a personal calling is and how there are four obstacles on having the courage to confront your dream, “First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it’s still there. If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path.” Lastly, the fourth obstacle: the one that is the hardest of them all, and the obstacle that you’ll have to read on your own one day.

Pull out your pen, grab a sticky note, and put it on your to-do list.

Cultivate Your Passion

My ultimate goal is to write, direct, and produce independent film. With that I say:

This line of work, or any unconventional line of work, requires encouragement, intense encouragement, heart-felt and meaningful, as if someone does actually believe in you, self-motivation, and did I mention encouragement? Conviction will be felt in this line of work and you will feel condemned by this line of work, as if to say, “Nothing else in life will be to my satisfaction if I don’t do this. I won’t be happy.”

In this line of work, the DNA to a great  story/film consists of your ability to effectively write; can I clearly and effectively tell a story? Or am I just really good at rambling meaninglessly? Writing comes to me in bits and pieces. I jot one thought down, think for a bit, pick up something inspiring, and jump to the next thought; praying that it will all make sense in the end; that it will be powerful in all literary aspects and thought provoking.

A clear voice of your own is the key to writing or becoming the essence that you are. An authentic voice, distinctive, bold; simply, your voice must speak to others; I try to be crisp and comprehensible; telling my story with intent. I want you to know exactly how I got to this place, and how you can get here too if desirable. Through writing, I want to leave a path behind me so enormous that this will be the next wave of greatness; the next revolution; the next mark of progression; a unique story like none of the rest that can still inspire and invoke prominence.

I can hear my inner critic heckling now, “Slow down, you’re almost 30. Be content with mediocrity." No. No. No, I just can’t. I have to try. Luckily, in this line of work there is no step by step process I must go by, it is merely sticking to what I do best- checking for inspiration, checking for inspiration, observing, and seeking the type of imagination that is soul perpetuating as I choose my words, verbs, and actions wisely or with hope they choose me. Don’t be boring they say. What is there left to innovate? What is there left to speak? INDEPENDENCE; building up thinkers, creating a belief in a cultural renaissance strong enough to actually make it happen; all through the vessel of words and imagery.

As the brief but hopefully stimulating above paragraphs resonate, I want to leave on this note, a tribute to Austin. It is probably why I am so compelled to pursue these cravings. There is creative energy in the city of Austin that can be mistaken for laziness. I have come to that conclusion today. Having lived in two separate cities and seeing the level of work ethic between the two, today I deciphered this: People in Austin seem lazy but really are creative, really are thinkers; exerting the least amount of energy and experiencing the most amount of life. Austinites take their time. Austinites do it the way they want to do it; when, where, and how they want to do it, therefore deep rooting the uniqueness. It will stay forever different and “weird” because of that. True free spirits.