Have you ever sat down at a
restaurant that has outside seating and you choose a table outside, order all
this great stuff, and your waiter comes and serves you a table full of awesome,
juicy, hot, tantalizing food? I mean, well of course I have to consider the
fact that you may have an entirely different perspective of what awesome food
really is. But so, you know whatever. I
don’t know what your “awesome” food is but I’m talking about the burgers, the
fries, the ribs, the steaks, the wings, the potatoes, and all the etceteras.
You sit there at the table eating what you like the most in the most grotesque,
primal, dog eat dog way and a swarm of cyclist in their little cycle club I
guess rides up to you only to stop at the light that happens to be right at the
corner where you are; the corner that happens to be right next to where you are
currently happily stuffing your face. Two of the cyclists stare (glare really)
at you while grabbing their thirst quenching, sparkling water jugs that happen
to be hooked to their coordinating fanny packs; fanny packs that are
strategically wrapped around strong, chiseled abdomens. You for some reason
decide to put your head down, eat smaller bites, and chew slower at this point.
They finally get a green light and the whole platoon takes off in a synchronized
stride while you pan the landscape of the food on the table in front of you and
realize you’re so glad you ordered extra cheese. Oh no? So that’s never
happened to you?
Or what about the “Craigslist
meet up”. You know, that awkward exchange of emails/comments/texts/calls phase before you actually meet up with them because they have something for
dirt cheap that you are dying to have and too lazy to get it any other way. You
guys try to meet at a central location and the person tells you what they are
wearing and what they look like but you’re still like, “What?” You get there
and there are 4 people who are dressed like the description your now
stranger/friend said so you stop each and every one of them hoping, no, praying
it is the person with your crap so you can
get this over with. You grab each look alike by the shoulder or tap them gently and they turn around and say, “No, sorry you have the wrong person lady,” or
they give you the side eye like, “Did she just touch me?” You give up. You call
the stranger/friend on your phone while still at the central location frustrated and a little
nervous and ask, “Hey, so are you here?” They say, “Yay! I’m looking right at
you!” And you see them waving their hand and smiling in the darkest corner the
place has with a full glass of wine and one empty glass right next to
it. You smile, wave back in a truly thankful manner, run over and say, “Hi!” You proceed to make small talk,
inspect the product, exchange money from there, and leave quickly. Oh no? So
that’s never happened to you?
Whew! Well it hasn’t happened to
me either and I hope it stays that way! I will say this though, you have to live.
Put yourself in uncomfortable places and see how you react. Get to know
yourself. Be in that moment and really get to know yourself. Observe, engage,
and live. Peel out of that weird shell that doesn’t fit you good anymore
anyway. Start shedding it – or don’t shed it, I don’t know. It’s
hard to even decipher my own madness and by madness I mean my writing. As I
type I think I know exactly what I am talking about and it makes total freaking
sense to me, but to my dismay it does not to everyone else; to my dismay it
never will let me tell ya’. I’m thinking quite possibly I’ll be incoherent
forever, and that’s okay because no one reads this shit anyway. I’ve been
reading and running across passages like, “You can’t afford to doubt yourself”
and – oh my favorite, “If you can’t even take 20 minutes out of your day to
write then give it up clown.” Yes, that’s definitely one of my all time favorites. Ha, it's funny, as soon as you get the nerve to do anything you start building up your confidence. It gets to be the type of confidence you will need to do what people will judge you for
or to do what you didn’t think you could.
Maybe a burger next week doesn’t
sound so bad after all and downloading that Craigslist app should be fun.