Just after getting home from work
I think:
I just wrote another to-do list
today. This one is 10 items long instead of 20. I’m going to count this as a win,
and I take progress anywhere I can get it. Am I going to complete any items on
the list? Hmmm, I don’t know, but that makes me want to start another list
entitled, “Okay this really needs to get done, like, forreal.” My other to-do lists? Oh they’re around here
somewhere. One is stuck to my butt right now because I just sat on it, one is
in my car, some are at my job, and others are in my Wunderlist (great app) on
my phone. Wait a minute, ah! Yes, I have some in my Evernote (also an app) as
well. I’m drowning in to-do lists. This is insane and it doesn’t stop. I have a
to-do list for my to-do list. I have one I wrote yesterday, folded up, and
shoved in my purse thinking that if I shove it in my purse I’ll do it; I mean
it’s in my purse. And the many calendars I have!? Oh the calleennddarss. There
are the digital calendars and paper calendars because you need both. I use
these lists and calendars to map out the hours I spend thinking about writing
but not actually writing. Yes, this is fantastic. Don’t actually write but
imagine writing, map out writing, write down that I need to write about writing
– genius. Can’t tell you how far that has gotten me. After I spend most of the
week giving myself a hard time, I sort of sway back and forth between wisdom
and curiosity to cope. For example, there is a reason why certain things are repeated,
like you know, “never give up” or “read” or “push through don’t let fear stop
you.” Crazy cliché and it’s because when you do these things and it completely
changes your life for the better, or you experience the type of growth that you
never thought you could, you’ll want to preach it too. You have now reaped the
rewards of the inevitable and the clever cycle repeats itself.
While standing there brushing my
teeth I think:
You know maybe it does take me forever
to get ready. I am slow and it’s time to embrace the slug in me. There are
reasons, however. Probably reasons I should improve, but reasons nonetheless. I
do all this stuff in the midst of getting ready before I go anywhere. So it’s
not just getting ready aesthetically speaking. I get ready mentally speaking
too. Like today I just did two audio notes (it’s where you pause, whip out your
voice recorder on your phone and talk to yourself, or rather into the microphone
with something you think is profound, but eh it’s pretty 1+1=2 you know, real
basic, real stupid shit), then I wipe my face down with an alcohol pad, and I
think of something else to say, something else to write, I don’t know I just think
of something else. Everything on any to-do list randomly pops into my brain
when I need to get ready. This is the kind of stuff (getting ready too slow) that
will guarantee someone for a life of pills, wine, and forever making excuses as
to why they’re either always late or never getting anything worthwhile done – oops I forgot straight-jackets (if you would kindly insert straight-jackets after "wine, and..." in your head please, thanks, I'm too lazy to write it for you and would rather type it out.)
While reading The Alchemist (by
Paulo Coelho) I think:
Wow this shepherd boy (Santiago) is
smart and witty! I love this guy! Sounds like a character I can create. Understanding
how he looks at the world, how he observes the people around him, his sheep,
his family, and the omens he is told about is fascinating and he gives us an
interesting holistic view. The boy travels because that’s what he believes is
his Personal Legend and he starts noticing and perceiving things in a different light once his
environment changes. He detects a certain bird that flies around when a snake
is near. He becomes aware of certain stars, certain changes in the pattern of
the wind when he needs direction, etc. Things he wouldn’t have seen otherwise
if he didn’t start paying attention. The book talks about figuring out what a personal
calling is and how there are four obstacles on having the courage to confront
your dream, “First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want
to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so
too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal
calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it’s still
there. If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the
second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting
those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. Once we have
accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear
of the defeats we will meet on the path.” Lastly, the fourth obstacle: the one that is the hardest of them all, and the obstacle that you’ll have to read on your own
one day.
Pull out your pen, grab a sticky
note, and put it on your to-do list.